How to disclose that you are divorced

Discussion in 'Life Lessons' started by Raul, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Raul

    Raul Well-Known Member

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    Hey guys, long time no talk. I have been busy with life and riding but I didn't forget my 6GA family. Some of you may remember my 6ga coupe. Currently I am driving a civic during winter and my bike in spring, summer and fall.

    I got divorced at young age and now I am clicking with this new girl. Problem is I have not mentioned her about the divorce. We both have pasts except I just have the stupid record. To me it was not a big deal as it ended peacefully and we had nothing together. When I met the new girl, I was officially single too.

    I am lost and confused, and I really want to work it with her. She already likes me for my personality etc. I think I am going to buy some time and make her fall in love with me more and then slowly reveal.

    What are your thoughts?
     
  2. max1985

    max1985 New Member

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    well if this girl really likes you then she should understand your situation, like you said we all have a past and that should not define your future realtionships its not like we all decide that things should go south, its the experiences in life that define who we are today and hopefully we all learn from our mistakes and history doesnt repeat itself. the longer you disclose it from her the more it will be likely to upset, the truth eventually comes out but if she really digs you then your divorce shouldnt be an issue for you guys to be happy.
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2015
  3. RedRyder

    RedRyder Be a better driver

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    That must be hard. I guess if it were me I'd wait until the relationship became significant enough to where we were both sharing more intimate aspects of our lives, and maybe at which point maybe we both saw a future together...then I would tell her. I think you will know when the right time comes, you will just feel like you need to.

    But on the flipside, if you really like her then you have to respect her enough to not wait too long, because it is possible it may be a prerequisite for her to not get involved with someone who has been divorced. But as said above, if she really likes you then it won't be game over. Anyway, just a thought. Ultimately you have to do what you think is right.

    Obviously if she ever asks, you gotta tell her. :)
     
  4. Aman

    Aman Active Member

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    I honestly don't think you have to make it a big deal.

    Try not to think of yourself as currently divorced.
    You were married.
    You are currently single. Or interested in this girl.

    If I were you, I wouldn't try to actively hide it, or actively bring it up. If it's relevant, talk about it. You want to start off with openness, not the opposite.
     
  5. DarkSideAccord

    DarkSideAccord nadeshiko fobz ftw..

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    if she likes u and is mature enough, u telling her that u were once married should not be a big deal, esp since u have no kids
     
  6. SykVSyx

    SykVSyx Well-Known Member

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    Try not to write it out using 'u' for 'you' either.....just speaks to the level of maturity in written conversation. :lawl:

    Seriously though, if you see that things seem to be moving towards a serious relationship, then it will have to be something that is discussed.

    There is a right time to share that type of intimate detail about your past, and if this relationship is still in the infant stages, then, likely, it's too soon to discuss that.

    However, if the two of you have been having great conversation and are at a place where you have been able to share things about yourselves regarding past relationships, then now may be the right time.

    Only you will know, ultimately, being in the situation, and hopefully it is received with maturity and understanding.
     
  7. Raul

    Raul Well-Known Member

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    Told her today. She was okay but just little upset. I think it will end soon. She was understanding and was asking details. However, she still would not open up and she said it was too early for her to discuss about her past.

    Either way it is over. Oh well.
     
  8. SykVSyx

    SykVSyx Well-Known Member

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    Did she tell you it's over, or that she needs more time to get to know you better?

    Sounds like she has some pretty serious history of her own, maybe you should have waited a little longer and let her share first.
     
  9. RedRyder

    RedRyder Be a better driver

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    How long have you guys known each other, or how long have you been dating? If she's a reasonable person I'm sure she has a respect for you sharing such a personal detail. Her not reciprocating about sharing her past doesn't mean it's over, she just may not be ready yet. What did she say anyway?

    She might just need to digest it and keep getting to know you...
     
  10. Raul

    Raul Well-Known Member

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    No it's not over. I assumed it was done. She is also opening up slowly but she was never married. We have been talking for two months and she is still getting to know me. She told me not to worry about what happened to me before. In her words it was good that it happened, I learned from my mistake and I am single for her:)

    Let's see what happens. I am going with flow with no expectations.
     

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