klee
Well-Known Member
**Do not read if you are easily offended**
>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION
>>
>> 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
>> gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
>> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
>> doing the Oprah diet.
>>
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
>> a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
>> And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said
>> get your *** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
>> cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
>> framed, you're so gay.
>> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
>> on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled
>> pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El
>> Dicko and undeniably a fag.
>> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
>> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
>> is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>> 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
>> one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full
>> aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe
>> Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
>> sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've
>> had a man there, too.
>> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
>> types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to
>> your ***. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
>> remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players
>> in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you
>> can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay.
>> And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
>> faggadocious.
>> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
>> dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel
>> to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the
>> time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger,
>> hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
>> 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
>> le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
>> with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
>> above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
>> SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to
>> fags when they flame out too.
>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION
>>
>> 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
>> gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
>> have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
>> doing the Oprah diet.
>>
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
>> a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
>> And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said
>> get your *** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
>> cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
>> framed, you're so gay.
>> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
>> on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled
>> pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El
>> Dicko and undeniably a fag.
>> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
>> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
>> is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>> 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
>> one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full
>> aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe
>> Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
>> sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've
>> had a man there, too.
>> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
>> types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to
>> your ***. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
>> remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players
>> in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you
>> can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay.
>> And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are
>> faggadocious.
>> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
>> dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel
>> to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the
>> time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger,
>> hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
>> 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
>> le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is
>> with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
>> above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
>> SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to
>> fags when they flame out too.
