***Official Joke Thread***

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by blacknight, Jun 16, 2009.

  1. blacknight

    blacknight Superman, uh mod

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    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.





    Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'





    He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.





    Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'





    Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'





    He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints

    of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.





    Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'





    Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '





    They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'





    The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.





    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.





    At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'





    Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
     
  2. sikjdm

    sikjdm Well-Known Member

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    Re: Irish Sausage

    :rofl:
     
  3. Millz

    Millz Well-Known Member

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    Re: Irish Sausage

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Cpyro

    Cpyro Well-Known Member

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    Re: Irish Sausage

    ahahahaha :p
     
  5. blacknight

    blacknight Superman, uh mod

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    Oshima

    A Japanese family just arrived in the United states and stays at a moderate hotel in New York. As they ride up the elevator to their suite, a gentleman gets in at the next floor.

    Stunned by the beauty of the Japanese daughter, the man tries to communicate with her, only to find she speaks no English. Undeterred, the man asks the father if he could take his daughter to dinner. Having some English experience from his many business trips to the states, the father communicates to the daughter and dinner plans are made.

    After dinner, they head up to his suite. Well, one thing leads to another and as he starts going at it she starts moaning "Oshima!". Believing this must mean she's getting into it, he thrusts harder and harder and she is screaming "Oshima!, Oshima!!".

    The next morning, the gentleman invites the father to a round of golf, knowing how much the Japanese love the sport. On the first hole, the father tees up, and nails a hole in one. Thinking quickly, the gentleman yells out "Oshima!!".

    The father, with a complexed look, turns to the man and says...


    "What the hell do you mean wrong hole?!"
     
  6. Cpyro

    Cpyro Well-Known Member

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    Re: Oshima

    lololololol
     
  7. blacknight

    blacknight Superman, uh mod

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    A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

    "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

    Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."

    "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

    Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....."

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.

    Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

    Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.

    "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
    I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.
    I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

    Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

    "Now what the hell would you say?"
     
  8. Cpyro

    Cpyro Well-Known Member

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    Re: accident

    ahahaha so many random jokes lol im loving it haha
     
  9. sikjdm

    sikjdm Well-Known Member

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    Re: Oshima

    haha omfg, your *** is gonna get me in trouble at work
     
  10. blacknight

    blacknight Superman, uh mod

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    Re: Oshima

    You can tell It's a slow day at work
     

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