***Official Joke Thread***

[blacknight]

Two married men were talking about sex with their spouses

1st married man
me and the wife did it rodeo style last night

2nd married man.
Rodeo style? what's rodeo style?

1st married man
Oh it's easy
start off by doing your wife from the back. Then slap her on the a$$
and say you're not nearly as good as your sister.
Then hold on as long as possible

 

[Millz]

What's blue and smells like red paint?








.
.
.



Blue paint...







I LOL'd

 

[blacknight]

A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told the passengers that “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.“

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle.

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.“

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.“

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, biotch

 

[blacknight]

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT







ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a com puter.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou .

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou .

ABBOTT : What about Windows?

COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?

ABBOTT : Wallpaper.

COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT : Software for Windows?

COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT : I just did.

COSTELLO : You just did what?

ABBOTT : Recommend something.

COSTELLO : You recommended something ?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : For my office?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I wan t to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT : Word.

COSTELLO : What word?

ABBOTT : Word in Office.

COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT : It comes bundled with yo ur computer.

COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT : One copy.

COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............

 

[Millz]

^ lol thats a good one havent seen it before

 

[blacknight]

A couple is lying in the bed when the husband lets a fart rip out.
He laughed and said field goal, three points
The wife lets a louder one rip and says touchdown...6 points

The husband tries and pushes and tries and pushes until he lets a really loud one rip followed by a little sh!t
He says, half time...switch sides

 

[mista jc]

No offense intended

What's the difference between Batman and black people?

 

[blacknight]

ok
Let's see where you're going with this


What??

 

[ActNow]

A man that had never been on a plane decided one day to travel the world, he packed his bags and headed to the airport.

Upon arriving at the airport he thought it best that he should use the lavatory before boarding.

He found the nearest bathroom. Before he could open the stall door he had read a sign saying, ''Please pay a quarter to use the toilet." He checked his pockets to find nothing but dimes.

He walked out and started searching for someone who had change for a dollar. While being very unsuccessful at finding anyone who had any change, he really needed to go. By this time he was holding it in hard, clinching his butt cheeks, and even as far as holding his hand over his butt trying to hold it in.

Finally he found a Good Samaritan that gave him change for his dollar. He went back to the same lavatory and found all the stalls full. He frantically ran out searching for another bathroom. Having found an unoccupied stall, his hands shaking from the pain of holding it for so long he dropped his quarters on the floor. Rushing to chase the quarters, he caught one and let the others go. Put the quarter in the door slot, opened the door, pulled down his pants, and he wrote this poem.

"Here I sit broken hearted, paid to sh!t but only farted."​

 

[blacknight]

LMAO^^^^^