Let me address the IAC and EGR first.
Cleaning the IAC on your car is actually really easy. Id buy a throttle body gasket and IAC gasket before doing it but I'll leave that to your discretion. Throttle body gasket may be alright to reuse. IAC gasket is liable to rip.
Assembly 2 is your IAC. Remove, and clean generously with carb cleaner. While you're at it, remove the intake manifold and check the EGR port.
Procedure:
http://www.driveaccord.net/PDF/egr_port_clogging.pdf
Use this and the following video to help you out. I don't think the video will cover you for cleaning the actual EGR valve so use this to get you through removing it to clean it with plenty of carb cleaner and scrape it all clean with a pocket screwdriver of something to the effect. You can almost bet your life that you will destroy the EGR valve gasket so cover your butt and just buy it. Make sure you clean the runners under the EGR valve as well.
For the manifold part:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRp6RWZ1egM
For the EGR valve removal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-G8YFwueWE
Back to the main relay:
Does your CEL bulb work at all? This video that I just made won't help you at all if the bulb is dead. If you think it may be dead, pull the cluster and just swap the maint. reqd. light with the CEL.
Mine is a 4 cyl. Don't know if the J30 would act differently to just blatently unplugging the relay but lets see if this helps you.
If your main relay is not working, your fuel pump is not priming. If your car does what mine does when the main relay is unplugged, fault the main relay and go ahead with the resolder procedure provided.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n274dSk2R9M
If you think your main relay is to blame:
http://www.6thgenaccord.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1061463