***Official Joke Thread***
- Thread starter blacknight
- Start date
Millz
Well-Known Member
LOL where did u find this? i think i remember writing this somewhere in those exact same words after hearing the joke from my brother
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned that he was disappointing his new lover, so he called his doctor for advice.
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
Lulu was a prostitute.
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as
they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street
and was so ashamed; Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi and asked what the line was for...
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges
to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of
the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said, "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck
'em dry!"
The policeman fainted
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as
they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street
and was so ashamed; Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi and asked what the line was for...
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges
to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of
the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said, "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck
'em dry!"
The policeman fainted
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
A young guy from Ohio moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ohio ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job and said, "You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought
something from you today?
The kid says, "One".
The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris
Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I
took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4
Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife,
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........."
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ohio ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job and said, "You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought
something from you today?
The kid says, "One".
The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris
Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I
took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4
Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife,
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........."
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fawking potatoes
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fawking potatoes
blacknight
Superman, uh mod
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over) I
noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he
pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah?" said the cop. "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The cop said, "What?.... A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum
stretcher DO?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work
until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until
it's
about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot azzhole?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a
bridge....."
**Bail: $100
**Ticket: $95
**Look on cop's face: Priceless
noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he
pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah?" said the cop. "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The cop said, "What?.... A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum
stretcher DO?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work
until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until
it's
about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot azzhole?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a
bridge....."
**Bail: $100
**Ticket: $95
**Look on cop's face: Priceless
Last edited:
turbocayenne
Well-Known Member
a guy walks into a bar... and says ow yeah i'm lame
doesn't make sense a all
btw, since when u have become an OG ninja???
