***Official Joke Thread***

blacknight

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On the back package of a rectum thermometer it states...
EACH UNIT IS INDIVIDUALLY TESTED FOR PROPER OPERATION..
Um, I feel bad for the person who has that job...
 
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RedRyder

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^Moreover, I feel bad for a man who has to stick something up his ass that has already been up another man's ass.
 

blacknight

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not ' EASY ' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a
' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ' BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
' OVERLY CAUCASIAN .'

3. He does not ' GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ***' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE
 

SCARFACE2392

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Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.
 

blacknight

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The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." "The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"



Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban deed."



Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"




Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.



Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora...."The gardener deed."



Wife: "So, how much do you want
 
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